Monday, March 10, 2008

(roller)Skate or Die!

Saturday night a bunch of us went up to Oaks Park to to skate the night away with Joylyn and Monique for their birthdays. I didn't skate but I opted to observe others skating and watch the people that really take it seriously. Also, it's amazing how many people are into skating. It was the place to be for a lot of Diablo Cody lookin' Portlander's and I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that something so retro is so popular in Portland. But I digress. After I ran though about $3.00 in quarters that Tieryn gave me (I played Area 51, Lord of the Rings pinball, and The Simpson's Game) I went back over to the observation area and thought about all of the roller skating movies that I have seen (I had made numerous references to Roll Bounce which all went right over Denessa's head) and I was amazed that I could conjure up so many memories (or simply recall) and so many movies I have seen with roller skating in them. Here's what I could remember ( I am not promising extensive here, just a small list of what I could remember that I had seen) :

Rollerball --- All I remember about this movie was that it had James Caan and was remade in 2002 with Chris Klein. Yup. That's all I remember about it. Oh and apparently Joylyn is going to join a roller derby league. Good luck and I hope you don't run into Chris Klein...he'll do whatever it takes to win, because he needs the money.

The Shaggy D.A. --- According to this classic Disney movie starring Dean Jones (!) has roller skating in it. I don't remember any, but I know I have seen this it was just an excuse to mention Dean Freaking Jones!

Roller Boogie --- I think I watched this one when Troy and I were buying up tons of videos at Movie Shack when they went out of business. Before I sold this off I watched part of it because it had Linda Blair and it was directed by Mark Lester, the genius who gave us Commando. Yeah. Mark Lester rules...this movie sucks though.

Xanadu --- Nothing like Gene Kelley gettin' down to some funky disco music by Olivia Newton John while dancing around on roller skates. This movie is so bad.

The Rollerblade Seven
--- I have never even heard of this movie, but I thought I would mention it because it has Frank Stallone in it!

The Warriors --- Because you know you were a menacing street tough if you had roller skates on. I actually needed skatelog's help remembering this movie, I know that it's almost impossible to remember roller skating in a movie, unless it's Roller Boogie or something like that, but I was actually thinking about this old Sega Genesis game called Streets of Rage 2 and you could be this cool little kid on roller skates (aptly named Skate) who had red leather gloves (because I guess it looks cool and it hurts more if you're punched by red leather gloves) and you would skate around and beat up all of the bad guys. Essentially the game was just a rip off of Final Fight...but it was still a staple of my adolescence, and Skate is taken directly from The Warriors.

Prayer of the Rollerboys --- All I remember about this movie was on those late nights when I couldn't sleep I knew I could count on the Preview Channel (with Jim Ferguson reviews and all!) to put me to sleep with it revolving clips of movies currently on premium cable. I always remember the add for this movie playing about a hundred times on ch.4 as I would see lots of Corey Haim acting like he's not trying to act like he is too cool. Corey Haim ruled and I always thought that Patricia Arquette was hot. This was a direct result of Gleaming the Cube becoming so popular.

Airborne --- And thus began the barrage of Shane McDermont pin ups in Bop and Tiger Beat magazines for a year, until sadly this rising star flew too close to the sun...oh wait...he sucked and was never popular. But the ladies sure loved him...I can't believe this movie had a theatrical release. And yes...I know that we are moving into rollerblades at this point...but come on roller skates were so not in at the time...

Boogie Nights --- This came to my memory because of Rollergirl of course. Who can forget the Pesci-esque beatdown she gives that dude after he tells Burt Reynolds to eff off. Wonderful.

Brink --- I always loved this cheesy Disney movie. It has all of the classic Disney movie moments. The wacky sidekick, the funny/too cute for camera pet (usually a dog), the really hot girl who is dating the mean jock, the quiet and confident kid who can skate, and the mom and dad who tell their son to believe in his dreams...of rollerblading. Yeah, I don't know if any of those elements are in this movie, but I am probably 50% right. I don't remember much about this movie except for the fact that I have seen it. Yikes.

I think that's all I can remember (I already mentioned Roll Bounce) if you have any titles to add to this let me know. The only other ones I can think of that have roller skating or rollerblading in them would be Dogma and D2: Mighty Ducks. The latter which was better than the former. Yeah that's right. I just called D2 better than Dogma. Emilio has my back on that!


  1. There is also a RETURN of the Roller Blade Seven -- it has Joe Estevez in it (wurrwulf).

    That's all.

  2. Heh. This is great, and not just because you posted a photo of two hot girls at the beginning of the post...